Encouraging Independence in Teens During Summer ~
Written by Debbie Douse of An Adventurous Education
I have an honest admission to make here: I like to be in control, preferably with an efficient plan of action! Delegation and asking for help do not come naturally for me.
I’m guilty of doing things for my teens that they could not only do for themselves, but would hugely benefit from completing without my input. This is especially true during term time, when our lives are at their busiest, as we juggle many extracurricular activities alongside their academics.
During the summer however, we take a long 9-week break, which offers a complete change of pace. Here there is time for me to surrender control and support my teens in developing critical independence skills for the future.
We’re focusing on three simple areas this summer on encouraging independence:
Encouraging Independence in Teens During Summer
1. Completion of a Real-Life Project
Giving your teen full responsibility for delivering a real-life project brings so many opportunities for growth and learning.
Examples might be redecorating their room; selling their old books; managing a patch of the garden; organizing a summer party or holiday; restoring an old piece of furniture; hosting a fundraiser for a local charity; setting up and running a small business; coordinating a long walk and camp-out; or launching a YouTube channel.
This autumn, we’re planning a 4-week road trip to explore the beautiful country of Spain. Over the summer, my two teens will jointly manage planning the logistics for this project.
This will include:
Formulating our route, liaising with our Spanish tutor for advice.
Managing the budget.
Agreeing time spent in each location.
Sourcing and booking accommodation.
Deciding (and compromising!) on which activities to do/places to visit, balancing everyone’s interests, and booking ahead where required.
Learning about the different places we’ll explore.
Writing a packing list.
Determining how much homeschool work we’ll do during the trip.
Through projects, a whole variety of skills can be practiced, such as goal setting, communication, teamwork, time management, negotiation, budgeting, researching and more. Ours won’t be plain sailing – they’re siblings so compromise isn’t easy!
However, achieving such a project, even in imperfectly, will boost their sense of being independent young adults.
2. Self Sufficiency in Your Own Contentment
I don’t believe there is a greater gift in life than learning to be self-sufficient in your own contentment. By this I mean the ability to generate your own joy and serenity, either through time alone or by searching out meaningful connections, rather than expecting someone else to provide it for you.
This has really struck me recently as I spend time with my mother in hospital. She has dementia and psychotic episodes. When I visit, she wants me all to herself and will actively push away the nurses to dominate my attention.
There has always been an expectation that in my role as a daughter, I am there to entertain her, to provide color and light for her life. The sad truth is that she has never learned to do this for herself.
It’s made me realize the importance of not repeating this with my own children. I am responsible for generating color and light in my life as are they for theirs. So, I plan to lead by example and ask:
What do I need during this summer break and how will I achieve that?
I’ve shared this with them and encouraged them to answer the same question. I’m there to help them with the practicalities, and to check progress, but that’s it.
They will be responsible for balancing their own needs (e.g. are they getting enough connection with friends, time outside, relaxation?), as I will be for mine!
3. Food Management
Learning how to budget and shop for food, manage ingredients in your home and cook healthy meals are fundamental life skills. During the busy term, I tend to do most of the heavy lifting. But in the holiday, the children get more involved.
As a manageable objective this summer, they will:
Each tackle one new recipe, and then cook this each week as one of our evening meals.
Learn how to plan a week’s menu, create a shopping list and do a weekly food shop alone whilst sticking to a budget (even if it happens once, I’ll count it as a win!).
Be responsible for ensuring the food is eaten in date order and reduce food waste – one of my husband’s biggest bugbears!
Each summer, they grow in their independence a little more. I just need to remember to surrender and let them find their own way.
I hope this helps when it comes to encouraging independence in your teens during the summer holidays. I’d love to hear any of your thoughts and ideas, too!
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Encouraging Independence in Teens During Summer ~ Written by Debbie Douse of An Adventurous Education I have an honest admission to make here: I like to be in control, preferably with an efficient plan of action! Delegation and asking for help do not come naturally for me. I’m guilty of doing things for my teens … Read More family time, independence skills, life skills, summer, summer break, summer learning Simple Homeschool
Thanks for clarifying this topic for me.
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